Neurodivergence
Neurodiversity describes the many ways human minds work. I view neurodivergence as neurodiversity through the lens of cultural values: which behaviors we tolerate, whose needs we accommodate, and which abilities we admire.
Neurodivergence involves both feeling different and being treated differently. When others misunderstand your behavior or find your needs inconvenient, you may learn to conceal parts of yourself to feel accepted. Experiences of otherness extend beyond ADHD and autism.
We can spend years trying to meet cultural expectations without recognizing the value of what comes naturally to us. Understanding your own mind can open up possibilities you haven’t had the chance to consider. In therapy, we can grieve what it has cost to live without that understanding and explore how to put your aptitudes and abilities to work in building the life you want.
The term neurodiversity describes the many ways human minds work: how we think, learn, feel, and pay attention. Neurodivergence describes neurodiversity in individuals that falls outside what a culture deems to be normal. I view neurodivergence as neurodiversity when viewed through the lens of cultural values.
Our cultural values determine which abilities we admire, which behaviors we tolerate, and whose needs we accommodate. Classrooms, workplaces, and families carry assumptions about how people should conduct themselves. Some people fit those expectations with relatively little difficulty, while others spend considerable effort trying to meet them and still fall short.
Feeling different, and being treated differently
You may have felt different long before you had words to describe your experience. You may struggle to follow the rhythm of a conversation, tolerate an environment in which everyone else seems comfortable, or understand why your comment evoked a critical response. Things that seemed effortless to others may have seemed impossible to you.
Being treated as different adds another layer to the experience of neurodivergence. Someone may interpret your need for quiet as rejection, your difficulty getting started as indifference, or your questions as argumentative. A child may notice that adults correct them more often than they correct their peers, or that other children rarely include them.
Over time, you may learn to judge your needs by how inconvenient other people find them.
You might stop asking for an explanation, push through discomfort, or hide a struggle because you expect frustration rather than help. Even when people welcome you, belonging can feel uncertain if you believe their acceptance depends on concealing parts of yourself.
More than ADHD and autism
ADHD and autism are familiar examples of neurodivergence, but people with other forms of neurodivergence often feel similarly othered. I use the term broadly to include experiences associated with OCD, bipolar disorder, PTSD, learning differences, and intellectual abilities well above or below average, among others.
A diagnosis may help explain those differences without capturing the whole experience. Two people with the same diagnosis may have very different challenges, needs, and strengths. People with different diagnoses may recognize something familiar in each other’s accounts of feeling out of place in some or even most environments.
The value of neurodiversity
Each of us brings a unique combination of abilities and aptitudes to the world. Unfortunately, cultural expectations favor some of those abilities more than others. We can spend years striving to meet cultural expectations without recognizing the value of what comes naturally to us.
Understanding your own mind can create possibilities you haven’t had the chance to consider. Our work is to grieve what it has cost you to live without that understanding, and to discover how to put your particular talents to work in building the life you want.
